Speak Life

The following piece was written by an eloquent client of mine whose heart was wounded when she confessed her deeper feelings for a good friend. He apparently wanted to be sure no misunderstanding or future disappointments would occur, so he replied, “It will never happen.” His words compounded other words from her past which had torn away at her self-worth. Now she fears she is not, nor ever will be, enough – that she will never be loved. Although she has not sent it, she wrote this letter to the man who broke her spirit. I hope it will speak to your spirit – and maybe even to hers.


You Spoke Death

I was in Hobby Lobby a couple of weeks ago and saw something that made me think of you. I felt a nudging to buy it for you and I thought, “God, why would you ask me to do this?” Then God replied, “Why would you let this man stop you from being who I created you to be… a giver, someone who sees needs and tries to help stand in the gaps and encourage others, to remind them I still see them even when no one is watching, that I see them?” I left the store, with a reminder of who I used to be in Christ and who I am now. I no longer stop. I walk by, and I try to make as little contact as possible.

I wish years ago when I held up my heart that you could have spoken life and been gracious instead of saying, “It will never happen.” I wish you could have known that you spoke death to me and who God was creating me to be. I wish you could have said, “I love you. I love the heart you have for God and the way He has created you to have a servant’s heart and encourage others. I have a different vision for my life, but if I was older and liked chunky girls, well then, I would be all about this, but that isn’t the case. I know God has a special person for you who can love you in a way that I cannot. I will start praying with you for God to bring that person who enjoys playing and serving and wants to build a life encouraging and growing God’s kingdom. And while I am praying I promise to continue to be your friend and help you grow in areas that will help you achieve what God has placed in your heart, and I know that these times will not be wasted because God will be working in and on me at the same time to grow me into a more godly man, better able to communicate, and that this walk will glorify God even if we both know it does not end in marriage to one another but in growth for His Kingdom and that we would ultimately become better versions of ourselves and better spouses for who I believe God has for both of us in the future. Thank you for trusting me enough to share your heart. God Bless!”

That is who I saw when I looked at you. But that isn’t who you are. Maybe I never knew you at all.


The man these words were meant to reach may never see them, but others will. There are two things any one of us can take away from her profound message. First, be careful with your words. They are not meant to serve you but to serve those around you, and they may have a more lasting impact than you could ever guess. Serve God with your words.

God Speaks Life

Second, mortal man is a flawed, fallible, careless and limited creature. Do not allow the words of a fellow human being to dictate your identity in Christ. What God has said, man cannot overrule. You are never unloved, never hopeless, never alone, no matter what anyone says to you or about you.

I hope my client speaks those words of life to herself that she wished to hear from another. Better yet, I hope she can hear God speak those words to her.

God showed his love for us when he sent his only Son into the world to give us life. Real love isn’t our love for God, but his love for us. (1 Jn 4:9-10, CEV)

May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace in believing, so that by the power of the Holy Spirit you may abound in hope. (Rom 15:13, ESV)

Nevertheless, I am continually with you; you hold my right hand. You guide me with your counsel, and afterward you will receive me to glory. (Ps. 73:23-24, ESV)

Speak life to someone today.


Related Content:

Breaking Up Is Hard to Do

imageDear Christian Counselor,

I have decided to break up with my boyfriend. We have been dating online for 4 months and have gotten emotionally close. He loves me and wants to marry me, but I do not want to pursue a romantic relationship any further. I want to be as gentle and loving as possible in this process because I know what it’s like to be on the other side. I need help in what to say, what not to say, and how much I should say. Can you help me? Thank you!

Agapephilia


Dear Agapephilia,

Your desire to be kind and honest in this situation is admirable. I also commend you for being aware of what you want. No doubt, it is difficult to end a relationship with someone. Your best bet is to go with your inclination to communicate with kindness and honesty. Focus on what you want to let him know. You never have to share more than you feel safe sharing, even if it means repeating what you’ve already said.

It might help you to practice with an empty chair or a friend in order to become more confident in communicating your message. Some people like to write down key points or even to script the entire conversation. You could then read that message over the phone to him.

With all of this said, he will most likely still feel hurt regardless of how gently you deliver your message. You cannot rescue him from that feeling. You also do not have to apologize for your decision. It might take him some time and the help of friends to grieve and process the end of your relationship.

Lastly, decide ahead of time what you want your relationship to be like after you break up. Some will disagree with this, but I recommend making a clean break. That means no communicating or staying friends until both parties have the opportunity to heal and move on. Be mindful of family or friends you can talk to afterward about the breakup. God’s love will be there for you, as well as your ex; neither of you need to walk through this alone.

–Jessica

God Loves a Good Question

Dear Christian Counselor:

20120714-105416.jpgThe person that is supposed to be my significant other got an invitation to his cousin’s wedding about a month ago. I have yet to hear from him if he is going to take me as his date or not. The fact that he hasn’t mention anything really bugs me, and I’m not OK with him going by himself because it will be an overnight event. I would like to know how to handle this matter. Thank you in advance.

—Felicia


Dear Felicia:

God is a big believer in communication. So much so that He spoke the world into existence, and called Himself “The Word.” Jesus’s ministry shows us that He also loves a good question. You can inject some God into this situation by communicating with your significant other. I assume you have already asked him about it – if not, that’s step one. Step two is asking some good follow-up questions, like: “I really need to make plans, so could you let me know if we will be going to the wedding together?” “When can you let me know?” “It seems like this is a hard decision for you. Can you explain what’s making it difficult?” If you don’t receive any satisfaction from his answers, I would encourage you to communicate your own feelings. Since anger tends to beget anger, start with any hurt or fear you might have about the situation. For example, “It hurts my feelings that you don’t seem to want me to go to the wedding with you,” or “I’m feeling insecure about our relationship because you are not taking me to this wedding.” If your guy really cares about you, then he will want to hear your heart.

At this point I’m more than a little curious why you have a “significant other” with whom you cannot communicate easily and whom you do not trust alone at an overnight event. There might be some good questions you need to ask yourself.

—Louise

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