I don’t really believe that God loves me. It’s my central problem, the reason I get anxious, feel ashamed, give in to temptation, blame others. I know the Scriptures, that there’s no condemnation for me, that I have been adopted into God’s family, that everything works for good for me, that He calls me “beloved” and “friend.” But I don’t really believe it. I don’t really feel it, and I don’t really live it.
So I’m on a journey to discover God’s love for me. In three minutes a day. Because it’s very hard work, and that’s about all I can do at one time.
I was inspired by Psalm 131:
My heart is not proud, O LORD,
my eyes are not haughty;
I do not concern myself with great matters
or things too wonderful for me.
But I have stilled and quieted my soul;
like a weaned child with its mother,
like a weaned child is my soul within me.
O Israel, put your hope in the LORD
both now and forevermore.
This image puts me quietly in the lap of a tender mother with no desire and no result other than being held and loved. I decided to try and stay in that lap for just three minutes. It’s been challenging. My mind wanders. It feels too presumptive. Sometimes, it’s just too hard to believe. I set a timer. I made a deal with a friend to stay accountable. I found some other Scriptures (e.g., Psalm 23, Ezekiel 16:8-14, Luke 10:39). Why is such a pleasant-sounding exercise so difficult? I suppose it must be related to the shame which made Adam and Eve hide from God after that first, terrible transgression. But the same love and forgiveness which clothed them and accompanied them on their travels beyond Eden still walks with me. So I am committed to believing it for three minutes a day, and I invite you to join me.
Here are a couple of other resources on the same topic:
What helps you believe the reality of God’s love for you? If you try a three-minute meditation, let me know what happens.